You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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