I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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