your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
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What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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