No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize