did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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