so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
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High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
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I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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