I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize