Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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