mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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