I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize