im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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