Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize