my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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