The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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