Tell her she can't have a vagina
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize