Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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