well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
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Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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