i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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