i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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