i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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