Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
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I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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