I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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