Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
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I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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