i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
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I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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