I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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