You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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