gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
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So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
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BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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