well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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