After last night, I could never be a politician.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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