He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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