Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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