Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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