My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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