All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
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You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
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How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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