you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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