she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize