I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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