And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
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this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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