This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
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guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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