Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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