is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize