Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I stole a fireplace last night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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