the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize