can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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