i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
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Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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