There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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