I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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