You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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