I wish they made helmets for livers.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
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She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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