I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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